Auspicious days

Well, here we are again, the first day of fall.  Which means, of course, that it's the perfect day to start a diet.  Picking an auspicious day to begin is a science as well as an art which I have fine-tuned to a fare-thee-well.  Let's begin at the beginning. . .

January 1st.  This one's a no-brainer.  The best day of the year for absolutely, positively changing one's behavior.  A new beginning.  Put off the old bad habits for brand-new perfect ones.  The day is charmed.  (But there is a problem with this date, because there are probably still holiday goodies around that need to be eaten up.  But not to fear, because tomorrow is. . .)

January 2nd.  Judy Jones's birthday.  Judy was one of my very best friends growing up.  It was fortunate I remembered her birthday as an auspicious day to start my diet; it's my fall-back position from January 1st.

Let's see, let's see. . .  doesn't Martin Luther King Day come later this month??  With a nod (and not to belittle) his "I have a dream" speech -- I have a DREAM to achieve my Optimal Body Weight.  Another auspicious day.

February 14.  Valentine's Day.  I owe it to my sweetheart to achieve my OBW.  Aren't we supposed to love ourselves?  I owe it to myself to lose this weight once and for all.  Then I can get on with my life.

March has in it the first day of spring.  Ah, spring, when a young (or old) woman's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of serious weight loss.  It's not too late; it's only spring!  Spring.  New beginnings.  Rebirth of the earth and of the self.  A very auspicious day.

April.  Easter.  (See March.)  That bunny won't catch ME eating the leftover Easter candy.  (Leftover because I have squirreled away the lion's share for myself.  NEVERTHELESS, this is all about a brand new me, so another auspicious day.

May.  May Day?  The anniversary of my grandmother's birth?  (She was always overweight until she had her stroke, so in tribute to my fat granny, and knowing she would want me to achieve my OBW so I don't have a stroke as she did, this is clearly one of the year's most auspicious days.)

June.  First day of summer.  New seasons are always auspicious. . .  If I start losing weight NOW, I can wear a bathing suit in Hawaii next summer!

July 4th, Independence from Fat day.  No longer will I be a slave to compulsive overeating -- I will be FREE, FREE, FREE at last.

August.  No auspicious days this month.  Enjoy eating to the max.

September.  First day of fall.  (See spring.)

October, Halloween.  I am going to polish off those several extra bags of Halloween candy the day BEFORE Halloween, so I can quit scaring myself and begin on Halloween proper. 

November.  This is a tough one.  Thanksgiving would be a truly auspicious day to begin the diet, because I would eventually be very Thankful that I had done so.  And stuck with it this time so I never had to find another auspicious day.  But, after all, it IS Thanksgiving and who can seriously pass up the broccoli-almond casserole, the once-a-year strawberry/cream cheese jello, the PIES???  And the best part will be the leftovers for the next few days.

December.  The birth of the Prince of Peace.  I would like the peace that would come to my life after losing all the weight.  (But there are way too many holiday goodies to be consumed before. . .)

January 1st and New Year/New Me!!!

And I do this every year, that's the amazing thing.

Ah, well, it is the first day of fall today. . . a truly auspicious day.  Despite Dr. Phil's axiom that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, I still have HOPE.

Tom Sawyer

I want to go to my own funeral, just as Tom Sawyer did. I don't want to have a funeral when I die. I want immediate interment in a cheap coffin, then family comes back to the homestead and if anyone has a nice memory of me, that would be nice. (Roane said he would share from his journal when I got quote of the day.) Songs I want: All Through the Night, Across the Alley from the Alamo (Mills Brothers arrangement), maybe something else. Eat chocolate chip cookies and milk to drink.

So I thought to have a funeral that I could go to, using the above elements, then after I actually die all you would have to do was get me buried. Easy peasy. People could vote on headstone wording: Au Reservoir, She Meant Well, Dead But Still Confused; seems like there was another one but I forget.

On an England trip I saw a tombstone in a churchyard which read, "I was part of you. You were all of me." I wish I could be buried in the backyard. I am just PRIVATE about dying.

I would have to have my "funeral" before I became terminally ill, or knew I was terminally ill. Then I could have fun.

I had a friend in the ward in Colorado who was an extremely frugal person. She thought people should be buried as they lived and read about a $200 coffin made of, in effect, thick cardboard. That would be MUCH preferable to one of those hermetically-sealed jobbies where the body turns to slime. We need to let the worms do their work.

Do you think this is all a bit macabre?